| HEIDI & ROSE: QUEENS OF COOL |
| Written by Luke Oram |
| Sunday, 10 May 2009 16:54 |
hi, my name is... I just got a tweet from HEIDI O’LOUGHLIN. I follow her. She’s not following me right now, we don’t have a reciprocal Twee-lationship. Bit of a shame. Twitter’s a bit of a bitch like that. Still, nice to know what kind of beer John Campbell’s drinking these days, even if he doesn’t give a toss about what I’m up to this arvo. Anyway... Heidi’s tweet. I look forward to Heidi’s tweets. She’s not one of those “…just wondering whether to have the last can of Spaghetti or risk a jaunt to the dairy” kind of Tweeters. She’s hilarious. This afternoon she’s claiming to be on her way to holding the official record for Comedy Fest shows attended this year – 15 so far. That’s pretty impressive in itself, save for the fact that Heidi herself is one of the most touted performers of the festival this year, teaming up with fellow wunderkind ROSE MATAFEO to bring you HEIDI AND ROSE’S A GUIDE TO THE UNCOOL. ‘Cool’, is pretty tough to get a handle on these days. It’s not like there’s a definitive yardstick. Who says what’s cool and what’s not? It’s all subjective, like ‘Beauty’ in 'Next Top Model. Ask me, most of those chicks look like deflated E.T. toys. But what do I know? I’m hardly a walking Adonis... I could shed a few. Heidi and Rose say their credentials for the show come from their impressive grasp of the uncool, which, ironically makes them some of the coolest cats around. The idea for the show found its genesis in the girl's mutual love of the embarrassing, including 'The Very Best of the Bee Gees'. (“not just the best, the VERY best”) and the fact that they both owned Michael Jackson’s 'HIStory'. The girls bonded over their joint love of 80’s family TV fare like ‘Welcome Back Kotter’, ‘Family Ties’ and ‘Reba’. Rose even admits her fondness of Coast FM. (“It’s got great hits. Not many ads.”). Heidi’s a Hauraki girl. COUP DE MAIN caught up with the girls in uber-cool Ponsonby to put their grasp of the uncool to the test with a bracing battery of the cool and the uncool. Little did they know there was a trick question in there. It was about crocs, which everyone knows aren’t cool on any level, conscious or subconscious, ironic or genuine. Buying pre-ripped designer jeans is borderline, but buying pre-holed shoes? Well, that’s just moronic any way you look at it. Not even Chris Comesky could make a convincing argument for crocs... COUP DE MAIN: John Campbell. Cool or uncool? HEIDI O’LOUGHLIN: I like John Campbell. ROSE MATAFEO: Cool. HOL: I think he’s cool. RM: He’s got a sense of humour. HOL: I think that’s important. RM: He wears lovely suits. HOL: He DOES wear lovely suits... But, tie or no tie... with John? I’m not sure. CDM: It’s all about the haircut for me. RM: It is a bit like Vinnie from 'Home and Away'. hear me...  CDM: Twitter? HOL: Cool. RM: Cool as. CDM: Are you on the Twitter? RM: Yep. We tweet. HOL: We tweet hardcore. CDM: Swine flu? HOL: Ugh. RM: Uncool. I was over it, once they started making quizzes about it on Facebook. “Do you have swine flu?” Uh. No. HOL: I like the word swine though. Flu isn’t cool. ‘Swine’ needs to be brought back into our vocabulary. RM: “You SWINE…" CDM: This is probably gonna split the camp down the middle... Crocs? RM: No. HOL: Uncool. Completely uncool RM: No no no no. Completely uncool. Looks like someone’s been shot in the foot. Six times. That’s what it looks like. HOL: It’s not even like jellies. When you were a little kid everyone wore jellies, but this is disgusting plastic... CDM: Have you ever worn Crocs? RM: No. But I DISPUTE that they are comfortable... I’d rather see someone in bare feet than crocs. CDM: Or slippers... RM: Or slippers! I love wearing slippers. In public. HOL: Er no. I don’t agree. Slippers are for the house. CDM: Headbands on boys? HOL: No. No. Uncool. Just cut your fucking hair. Sorry. RM: What? Like sweatbands?... I like sweatbands. HOL: I don’t mind bandannas if you’re Steve Wrigley. I just think if you need to keep your hair out of your face and you’re a boy, get your hair cut. RM: Uncool. HOL: Unless you play snooker. RM: Unless you work at a factory. There are a few exceptions to the rule. Ralph Macchio is one. if, I were Queen...  'A GUIDE TO THE UNCOOL' begins adventuring from May 19-23, 7PM, at The Basement. Tickets from Ticketek. Click HERE for more info. |
