| Man vs. Man : Ruffalo vs. Gyllenhaal |
| Written by Brendon Green |
| Wednesday, 12 January 2011 21:15 |
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I am a man (according to most doctors), and as such I am uniquely qualified to judge other men. And I do, frequently. I don’t like to do it in a mean spirited way, but sometimes you just have to (I’m looking at you, Channing Tatum, put a shirt on already). I’m more interested in the positive aspects of people - picking apart what makes them great and discovering if there are any secrets I can apply to myself to make me even more (or even a bit) awesome. And every now and then there will be a guy I really want to be like. Call it a Guy Crush, call it a Man Fan, call it Low Self-Esteem, it doesn’t matter. Currently there are two such men that have ‘taken my fancy’: MARK RUFFALO and JAKE GYLLENHAAL. These are the guys that when I see them, I can’t help but picture myself being them. Alas, that will never be. However we can have some fun with this. For example if it were possible, which one would I rather be? Because as we all know, there can be only one. 
SUPER-SUPERFICIALLY: hot or not. Jake is 30, Mark is 43. Jake is hot, Mark is... interesting. No that’s not fair, Mark Ruffalo may not have the marquee good looks, but he’s certainly not made for the radio. And to be honest, Jake Gyllenhaal does have a massive cartoon face.  But my goodness what a face it is. This guy has grown into quite the looker. Who knew that was going to happen after watching him as the uber-emo Donnie Darko? What I’m trying to say is that I want Jake Gyllenhaal’s face and body. And in no way does it feel weird to type that. SOMEWHAT-SUPERFICIALLY: the name game. Mark Ruffalo (rhymes with: Buffalo) or Jake Gyllenhaal (rhymes with: Absolutely Nothing). As much as I enjoy the random letter placement of Jake's name, like somebody stuck all the letters of the alphabet on a wall and then got a drunk blind guy to throw darts at them, it’s got to suck having your name mispronounced all the time. Plus Ruffalo rhymes with Buffalo. And Buffalo are majestic.  INNER BEAUTY: it’s what really counts. Jake has a cheeky rapscallion persona going on that really works for him. Mark has an intense vulnerability that is ridiculously disarming. As different as they sound, they both epitomise the word charming. They have the whole ‘Men want to be them, Women want to be with them’ cliché happening. And that kind of sounds fun, so I’d be stoked with either of them.  CAREER SUCCESS: it’s about the art, not the money. Integrity, passion, immersion: doesn’t really sum up 'Love And Other Drugs' does it? Mark Ruffalo is one of the most respected and talented actors of his generation. Sticking up for the indie guys, he dedicates himself to his roles and stays true to his art. Jake was heading that way and was going to get there easily. But then he just said "screw it, I’m gonna be a movie star". And now he is. And that’s cool, but kind of disappointing. I am aware that I have simplified these guys way too much here, seeing as how Ruffalo has been tapped to play The Hulk in the superhero movie to end all superhero movies 'The Avengers'. And now that I look at it, he was in '13 Going On 30', and 'Just Like Heaven'... bad form Ruffalo, bad form. Cult status has to be ruled out, too. 'Donnie Darko' vs. 'Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind' is too close to call. Best roles? 'Brokeback Mountain' was nice, but 'You Can Count On Me' is one of the best acting performances I have ever seen. However, I have a strange affinity for 'The Good Girl' and 'Moonlight Mile'. Man, this is hard. Judge's decision: Mark Ruffalo is disqualified for having starred in a romantic comedy with Jennifer Anniston and Kevin Costner. There is no forgiving that.  Maybe I just want to have Jake’s face and body, but with Mark’s voice (that’s an all-time great voice). I would definitely take Mark’s name over Jake, and would also take his charisma if I was pushed to decide. That leaves Jake’s filmography and movie star status. Actually forget everything, I want to be Ryan Reynolds.  |
