Gosh I love a good awkward moment as much as the next guy, but generally I like it from a distance that will discount my actual personal involvement in aforementioned awkwardness and/or witness it through a TV screen or the retelling of a tale. Well my friends... prepare for awkward turtle overload, it’s like a megawkwardasaurus rexiturtle.
I was recently engaging in a beverage with some chums when one piped up with a story regarding a workmate selling their old cellular telephone on Trademe. The seller, let’s call her Selina Seller, was hoping for maybe $20 from a person that wanted the cellphone for some sort of cellphone based experimentation and was pleasantly surprised when the cellphone started to gather a bit of pace in the online auction house.
Selina Seller must have at this stage thought -
“Have I a rare model of 2006 phone? I can’t have... Let the auction proceed!”
This weekend when I win over $20 Million in Lotto’s Powerball, I am going to get a tail. I just felt at the top of the ass area, at the bottom of the back; the “Tailbone” area. I’m sure one could be just nipped on there, easy-peasy. It’s called a tailbone; YET I SEE NO TAIL! I demand the bone live up to its name. Did you know that, as a foetus we all have a tiny wee tail? Then during development the body absorbs it? True story! RIPPED OFF! I want me tail!
The way I imagine it is, that I get the whole tail thing fused to my spine. Kind of like Doc. Oct from Spiderman fame... and it becomes a kind of Monkey-esque tail. It was suggested, perhaps I would prefer a horse-tail. What kind of idiot would choose such an unpractical tail from the tail catalogue? Indulge me if you would, with your attention as I explain why I want a tail... and why specifically, I want it modelled on a Monkey Tail.
I could go for a Scorpion-like Tail. I like the idea of threatening people with my scorpion tail. However, it is highly dangerous and being kind of clumsy, it wouldn’t be long before I stabbed myself and met my end. Also, it’s not at all cute and can’t grip stuff. It is basically a killing machine and I don’t want my tail being a killing machine.
