| Perhaps I am crazy? |
| Written by Vaughan Smith |
| Tuesday, 12 May 2009 12:18 |
|
I was in the work kitchenette today... why not a kitchen you ask? Well, it’s a bit small and it doesn’t have an oven. It has two fridges, (both full of milk and old things people bring to work and forget to eat), but no stove. Currently the kitchenette guidelines are set forth by the New York City Building Code, which defines a kitchenette as a kitchen of less than 7.4 metres² (80 feet²) of floor space. So yes, it’s a KITCHENETTE bitches! There is a small TV in the kitchenette and it was on TV3, playing an episode of what I assume was Hannah Montana... having never seen the Billy-Ray-and-Miley-of-the-Cyrus-clan-featuring-show, until today. I was captivated momentarily by the show. I have an awful weakness for bright colours and Disney-orientated-objects. Then it was on with the intended purpose, making the 4PM coffee, two teaspoons of Moccona, OF COURSE, into the biggest cups possible! Then, what I like to imagine is about an eighth of a teaspoon into each cup as habit, then two sugars in each, a bit of milk, trim thanks... Then hot water straight from the ZIP-like boiling device that hides under the sink, ended with a brisk stir. It was just as I dipped the plastic handled teaspoon into the cup, realising it was too short and therefore submerging it completely... that a female I have never met before, joined me in the kitchenette. That’s always awkward. Never having met someone and to meet them mid-stir with a submerged spoon. A first and hopefully a last, for me. But, I was then again captivated by the television. This time a commercial. A commercial for My Little Ponies, which are apparently in the grasp of some sort of anniversary. "Buy now", they said... as the Ponies are better than ever. This ‘anniversary’ for the ponies was being celebrated with the release of a Pony A&P show, a fairground, a theme-park for Ponies... The Ponies could be purchased with a ferris-wheel, which the voice-over assured me the Ponies would love... and a roller-coaster that the thrill-seeking purple Pony, (I’ve only ever seen brown ones), was apparently enjoying thoroughly. How is this a good idea? Or a realistic toy for a child? When I bought this up to the stranger sharing the coffee making facilities, she agreed that it was a lose-lose-lose situation. A loss for the Pony, as horses and Ponies are very skittish creatures; loud noises, sudden movements, the feeling of zero gravity... or the smell of popcorn vomit are not things that Ponies enjoy. In fact, taking into account my limited Pony experience even I, a Pony Novice... would put them on a Pony hate-list. So, I doubt that a pooling of ALL of these things would be an ideal way for a Pony to celebrate an anniversary, a horse birthday... or any Equine-based celebration. A loss for the Pony owner, as when the Pony is subjected to the aforementioned conditions, it would no doubt stress out/psychologically-fuck with the Pony... causing it to lash out; kicking, neighing and chomping. Possibly resulting in it breaking its leg and having to be shot. Then the guilt of buying the Pony a ferris-wheel, would play on the mind of the young horse-loving-individual, culminating in an anxiety-disorder later in life. And of COURSE... a loss for the small-time business operator that owns/operates the ferris-wheel and/or the small-scale roller-coaster, as a horse is a powerful creature that would cause considerable damage to the property of this person... whose name most probably consists of three shortened versions of names jammed together, like Billy Bob Joe, or Joe Billy Bob, or Joe Bob Billy. (The last suggestion was clutching at straws). A man of this socio-economic setting can surely not afford to have such damage done, to his small-scale entertainment operation... So with those three loss-factors spelt out, think twice before buying a My Little Pony with Anniversary Ferris-Wheel/Roller-coaster set. In fact, Hasbro! If you are reading, please recall the toy before a rich girl with little parental supervision straps a full-grown Pony into a roller-coaster as an experiment and it all goes horribly wrong... I appreciate your time. By the way, when I finally stopped talking to myself... the person who had been in the kitchenette was gone. It sure is lucky, that I enjoy my company as much as I do. |
