| S P A C E - The Final Mind Fuck. |
| Written by Vaughan Smith |
| Thursday, 04 June 2009 19:03 |
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I’ve been watching a lot of documentaries, about space and the universe and the-such lately... It’s a big old place space, a big old place. The biggest thing there is... and it’s growing bigger. In 50 billion years, it’s going to outgrow itself to the point where it’ll just tear itself to pieces. Everything. Everything will just shit its pants, throw it’s toys and cease to exist. Imagine that! It could happen halfway through you reading this... Just BLANK the end. You’d not see it coming. You’d not hear it coming. Your civil defence emergency kit with its fresh batteries, a torch, some baked beans and a sleeping bag, wouldn’t help you in the least. Global Warming wouldn’t be an issue. The threat of terrorism at an all time low. That boy that you like, that you never talked to... would be the same as you. A big bunch of nothing, like you never existed. Which brings me to a point that makes me feel like I’ve taken acid when I haven’t... If we just cease to exist, did we ever really exist at all? We as individuals, are but a collective of thoughts and memories... Hahaha! That is some stoner bullshit there. But anyhow, these documentaries are amazing! People dedicate their lives to finding out about space, other planets and theorizing about the CRAZIEST SHIT... like the Moon! Apparently no-one is a hundred percent certain, about where the Moon came from. Apparently, a planet around Mercury’s size, a bit bigger than our current Moon, may have crashed into Earth back in the day (when it formed and was all sticky and gooey and hot)... and that crash made the Earth start spinning. The bits that fell off made the Moon, but that’s just a theory! SEE!!! CRAZY!!! Also that Jupiter, (the largest planet in the Solar System) is all gas! GAS! But it’s gravity is MEGA. How does that even work? It has storms, but it’s all gas! The surface of Venus is 500 degrees Celsius. Cancel the family trip to Venus, it’s fucked. Did you know that the Sun sends out MEGA (I’ve used that term a lot in this blog but it seems to be the most fitting), magnetic pulses? Our magnetic poles reflect them. A tiny bit gets in at the North and South Poles. Once in the 1850's so much got in, it made telegraph wires in the U.S. explode! If that happened now, we would be Whakapapaed for sure. It’s such a MEGA (there it is again) stupid outrageous coincidence, that we are even here. Or even have the capacity to understand, how we are... So next time you hear anyone whinging about someone saying something mean about My Chemical Romance, or how there were no passionfruit cupcakes left, or slow Internet... Take into account that the Universe started when ONE tiny piece of Space, then went BANG! Creating all this other stuff, like rocks... and things all blew out. Gases. Then planets, formed around this monstrous source of energy, the Sun. One of the planets was just the right size to gather a gravitational force, which caused it to gather atmosphere. Over a billion or so years, that was composed of just the right amount of everything... and was just far away enough from the Sun to make the most of it’s energy. Through trial and error, energy was eventually harnessed that gave birth to life... Which evolved over a heap more time, that led to all sorts of things. Then giant lizards... but they were killed by a mega comet, which our furry ancestors survived because they were furry... then eventually turned into bigger furry things, that eventually lost their fur and developed a brain... capable to more complex functions, that eventually led us to the year 2009AD and REALLY. The fact someone said that Gerard Way, is a pale, possibly gay, emo... seems rather insignificant, no? So, get the Lemon Curd Cupcake instead. Wait for the Internet to get faster. Yeah? ...and as hard as that is to all conceptualise and digest mentally, it’s still more believable than a giant man with a beard... making it all in his mega huge hobby room, over 7 days. Sleep tight, Children of the Bang. |
