Love after the '(500) Days Of Summer'.

Written by Rachel Goodchild

Tuesday, 20 October 2009 08:03

Going to a movie knowing you're going to write about it is tricky enough, but going knowing you are going to write about it and it has to be about dating is harder- even if it is a non-rom-com that is slathered in lots of ideas for a article on dating.

The problem is – which part do you write about? And to be honest I've struggled. I didn't like Summer- well I loved her clothes, and she is completely pretti-ful, but at first I wanted to write about how boys are totally getting the wrong of end of the romance stick now- that it used to be them that were scared of commitment and running, but now it's us girls and it's messing with their minds.

Then I thought I'd write about my favourite part of the movie- a brief interlude where men stand and say why they are with the woman they love- and how true it is that for men- you might not be the most perfect type for them but you are someone they find completely irresistible because you fit them and their life and they fit yours (because if we could all get that into our heads there would be far less esteem issues flying around our minds if we just “got” that).

And then I moved onto a whole pile of other ideas. Nothing fit. Until I realised that this movie said something that I say to myself and others all the time.

The movie covered five hundred days of love, some of it in the heights of that sweet euphoria we can only get when we are swept away completely and utterly by someone, and other days in that most devastating place- where love isn't returned. Really there are moments after a break up when you are so completely miserable that all you can really think is; “I wish I'd never met her or him in the first place".

If love is this- this huge rollercoaster of highs that would be perfect... if only they weren't accompanied by such lows, and those lows, so deep and gut wrenching that you'd eat your way out with chocolate if you could; then why on earth should we even try it? What good can come out of even trying in case we get hurt again?

That of course is why often we don't. We stop looking, we stop keeping our eyes and hearts open to opportunity and we stop allowing ourselves to face the very big possibility that yes, we might just get hurt.

But this is what I believe, more than anything else. It's a truth that takes you far beyond that one little relationship. Love is never wasted. It's a free gift. It doesn't come with strings or criteria. It just is. And because it just “is” you always get something good back from it. It might not feel like it at the time, but love, with all of it's ups and downs, leaves us a little more complete even after a breakup. Love helps soften our edges, it gives us a chance to give into someone else's life, and while it's being reciprocated we get a whole heap back again.

It can be tempting to shut down and stop opening your eyes and heart to look for love after your heart's been broken. And that's understandable. But it would also be a huge shame to waste love- because one very curious thing about love is this: the more you give, the more you get.

I'm not talking about crazy stalker love. Dropping notes into the letterbox three times a day, text bombing and “accidentally” bumping into people is not what this is all about. But falling in love, even if it is not equally reciprocated, is good. Even after heartbreak it's worth it. Each person we love a little (or a lot) changes us, grows us and makes us who we are. And when we meet the person that totally outclasses everyone who has gone before, we'll know we are ready for them, just because we allowed our love for other people to change us.

Love well, love often and love again. It's a pretty simple recipe really.